We spent so much of our life lying. Part of the unmanageability of our lives was the challenge of remembering which lie we told to whom. But the biggest lies we told were the lies we told to ourselves. No matter what each of our stories was, we all told the same lies to ourselves. “I deserved this.” “This is the last time.” “No one will know.” “This doesn’t hurt any one.” “Everybody does it.” And the really big one: “I am not an addict.” The Steps we work are not the only steps we take. First we stop lying to ourselves and admit we have a problem although self-delusion still haunts us occasionally. Then we stop lying to other addicts. You can’t fool someone who has been there and done that. And then we stop lying to everyone else. Finally we begin to feel good about our recovery only to become angry at those we love when they question us. Can’t they see that we are finally honest? Can’t they see we are finally sober? The answer is they hope so. We may have found truth and are now committed to not lie but it is difficult for those in our lives who were hurt by years and years of lying. A few months of sobriety does not erase years of acting out no matter how much we wish it were true.
Grant me the strength to remain true – especially when all around me think I am still lying
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