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Thoughts from those struggling with sexual addiction and striving for recovery.
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If only they would see what I mean and understand what is going on; my life would be perfect and I would not feel this way. The Big Book tells us that all of life is but a stage and we are but actors upon it. Where we get frustrated is when we attempt to direct the other actors instead of simply focusing on our own recovery and health. Our lives had become so unmanageable that we had to cry out to our Higher Power for help. How is it possible for us to think we could manage someone else’s life? The root of this perceived power lies in our own feelings of inferiority. The people we try to manage are the very people we so desperately need approval from. Those who can make us feel the worst about ourselves can only do so if we give them the power to. Others around us are going to do and say what they feel they must do and say no matter how hard we wish they would not. To overcome this character flaw and take responsibility for ourselves, we must stop trying to please people who simply do not care. There are people in our lives who will do, say and think whatever they want to without regard to our own wishes. Let these poisonous people go. Nothing we say and nothing we do will change them. So stop it.
I am going to take a deep breath and choose to not feel inferior and not seek approval from those who wouldn’t give it to me anyway.
Today let me understand and know the meaning and feeling of these powerful words, Progress – not Perfection, and then let me begin my sobriety again.
Grant me the strength to remain true – especially when all around me think I am still lying
The first step on my journey included the realization that sobriety was not the destination. It is the path.
SAA suggests a bubble as an appropriate, poetic metaphor that expresses the radical nature of the addict’s isolation. We thought we were strong, happy, loved and loving when we were in the bubble acting out. Unfortunately the secret world of our own creation where we sought thrills and pleasure was also a world of shame and guilt when the bubble burst and we reentered the real world. There is an alternative to the bubble. It is a simple option really. But like most things for addicts, it is the simple things that are the hardest for us to do. How many times were we told “Just don’t do it.” In recovery we have been given a tool to help us find peace. If we pray daily to our Higher Power, not to fix our lives or to create a different life for us, but to pray just for insight and knowledge of the life our Higher Power has planned for us, we will discover true strength, joy and happiness. As long as we remember that our Higher Power will show us this life when He wants us to see it and not when we demand to see it, can our dreams come true. And that will be much more rewarding and satisfying than any acting out behavior ever was or could ever be.
G-d, for today grant me the patience to hear your voice and see your path as you want me to, and not how I want it to be.