Slipping is so demoralizing to us if we have embraced the program. Nothing ruins a binge like the knowledge we have gained by even the slightest exposure to SAA. It was easy for us to put the most disgusting, demoralizing and degrading behavior into our inner circle. It was much harder to move those other behaviors, those behaviors that to some are not addicting, into our inner circle. Perhaps it took us months of deluding ourselves that this action, the one we turn to when we are sad, anxious, angry or lonely into our inner circle. Perhaps we knew all along that this was inner circle behavior but we held onto our “public” sobriety too tightly to admit it to ourselves and to another person. It is how we feel after we act out that tells us the truth whether an activity belongs in our inner circle or not. And then far too quickly we slip. “It is such a simple act!” and it may very well be simpler or less demoralizing than other acts in our inner circle, but we feel no less a failure for the slip.
Today let me understand and know the meaning and feeling of these powerful words, Progress – not Perfection, and then let me begin my sobriety again.
1 comment:
Thank you for sharing. For me, I am encouraged by these two points:
#1: Self-condemnation leads to self-pitty leads to justification of further acting out. This is why we say to go easy on ourselves. It's more productive to just pick up and move on.
#2: Coming to realize, for myself, the duration of my sobriety has far less value than the honesty of that sobriety.
If I act out, I can begin on day one without feeling like I'm back at square one, because I'm living it one day at a time. My honesty is proof of my progress, and if I act out once a week, that's still (if my math is correct) 313 days of good, clean, honest sobriety a year. And I'm thankful for that sobriety.
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