Meditation for today

“The promise of recovery is a restoration of self. Sexuality is part of who we are, a part that became lost and distorted through our addiction. When we reclaim the possibility of healthier sexuality, we regain a vital aspect of our being.”  SAA Page 72

 

For many of us, our first introduction to sexuality was a violation. Perhaps even a violent violation of who we are at an age inappropriate for any person to have to experience. As we grow and mature, we see our partners and potential partners through the distorted view that was forced upon us when we were not ready. For some of us, we re-live and re-enact the trauma of our childhood unaware of the path we have chosen or perhaps aware but unable to stop living in the past. This unhealthy behavior laying the groundwork for all future unhealthy acts.

 

Others of us had suppressed the  memories of our childhood abuses, our spirit finding the pain of the memory simply too much to bear. We bury the memory and wonder why we always seem to follow the same abusive patterns in our sexuality repeatedly through the years, our unhealthy sexual behavior leaving a trail of wreckage and pain to ourselves and others like the one definition of insanity, expecting that this time, the result will be different. Finding time and time again that the experience left us devastated and demoralized we finally threw our hands up in surrender and came to the program with the hope of achieving serenity. Working the twelve steps of recovery is what restores us to sanity, brings us sobriety and helps us achieve serenity. Just the promise of recovery is enough for us to gain hope that we are not damaged goods and that a loving healthy sexual relationship is possible.

 

Today I will remember that I deserve a healthy sexual relationship and I reclaim that part of myself that was taken from me so long ago.  

 

Brett B.

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